I stole the title of this post from a tweet my mutual made a week ago. It really just solidified a concept I’ve had in my head for a while. You can’t soft launch a dream.
I’ve realized that a lot of successful,happy people didn’t get where they are by being “chill”. By accepting work that doesn’t make them happy or move them forward. By accepting relationships that make them more anxious rather than calm.
You can’t say you want deep, intentional love or a career that excites you and then keep entertaining things that drain you. It doesn’t work that way. The only way to get what you want is to be obnoxiously strict about it.
Like, insane level discipline. The kind that makes people look at you sideways. The kind that might make you feel high maintenance or “too much.” But here’s the thing: the people who get what they want be it in love or in work aren’t just lucky. They’re ruthless about alignment.
I’ve realized that although I try to be strict,I can’t shake the feeling of loss. I recently had to cut off someone I really enjoyed talking to,not because I didn’t like him…but because I realized that I was idealizing the potential of what that connection could be and not what it actually was.
Could we work? Yes. Could it be something good? Also yes. But it wasn’t. Not in that very moment. And it hurt to be real with myself but it was something I had to do because I couldn’t keep myself stuck because of what could be.
So I left.
Because the people that get what they won’t don’t flirt with the idea of less.
They get clear. Scary clear.
About the kind of love they want to feel in their body.
About the kind of work they want to wake up excited for.
About the kind of life that would make them proud.
And then they make decisions that protect that vision. Daily.
It means saying no to almost-relationships. To “maybe this will change.” To “I’ll just stay until I figure it out.” It means cutting off the situationships, the flaky recruiters, the safe-but-soul-sucking jobs. It means deleting the number. Leaving the role. Starting from scratch if you have to.
Because wanting better but staying available for less? That’s self-betrayal.
And you can’t keep betraying yourself and expect the universe to take you seriously.
I used to think being chill would make life easier. That being understanding, flexible, accommodating, would earn me love or loyalty. But all it earned me was crumbs—in romance, in work, in every space where I shrank my standards to seem “reasonable.”
Now? I’m annoyingly clear. I want real intimacy. I want honest connection. I want fulfilling, creative work that stretches me. And if you can’t offer that? If the job, the man, the opportunity makes me dim or doubt myself? I’m not available.
The only way I’ve gotten closer to the things I say I want is by actually acting like I want them and that means being unapologetically clear about what I don’t.
So yeah, I’m strict now.
And maybe a little obnoxious about it.
But I’m tired of pretending I’m okay with less than I asked for.
You shouldn’t be okay with it either.
No song today. Think about what I said.
Till next time.
love,
Olivia.